This is an vent.
Why I do get the feeling that I always seem to have this giant bull's eye on my back or a giant magnet where all I seem to attract is just bad shit. I mean seriously WHAT THE FUCK, why is this happening right now? Why does all of this happened to ME and NOW? I know I shouldn't be complaining and I know that life isn't fair and that this is part of being an adult now. I mean nothing good has happened to me lately. This quarter just kept getting worse and worse. I'm not sure if I've hit rock bottom yet or will it keep spiraling down? And so far this break is just getting worse as well....
All of this happening to me has brought up old feels of being a failure, or in my case a constant fuck-up, where everything I do will inevitably end in failure. I've heard this from others as well that I shouldn't be thinking like that and no one is a fuck up. But honestly it's taken a toll on me, mentally and physically. I feel as if I'm on my last straw; at any moment I'm just going to break down right now. With everything happening lately, I'm constantly thinking about it. Before I sleep, when I wake up, and throughout the day. For a fact I know I got myself into this mess. These were MY decision that all lead up to this and I knew I at the time that I should have waited for things to clear up, instead of just doing things on impulse...And I keep putting myself down on how much I've screwed up because I feel that's the only way how I'm going to remember and prevent situations likes this.
And another thing, I hate being in the middle of shit. I honestly don't want to be involved, because I'd be undermining the trust and friendship of a good friend just so my other friend can cover their ass and have a good time. I fucking hate this. I will not be a part of this.
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