One drink, two drink...

With all these drinks, I feel numb....yet I still feel depressed in some way

An old poem

Found this journal I had in high school where I would write down how I was feeling. I think I'm back to feeling the same now...

Falling from the sky

not realizing what's happening

hitting the pavement so hard

every one in body is shattered

I open my eyes

and I find to my surprise

that I'm still alive,

and I can move again

As I look around me

people continue on

minding their own business

paying no attention, whatsoever

And then I walk around

and only to realize

that I'm just a ghost

to this world

I walk into a room

with all my friends

but no one bothers to look

So I quietly take my leave

I find myself on the street

where my memories were

only to realize, that my best days

are behind me now.

Is it best for me me to

leave the world I used love

or to continue to live with

misery, pain, regret and loneliness?

Home I Guess

Back at my apartment now. It's quite and lonely. No else is here but me. I dislike this. I feel even lonelier.

Bittersweet

Going back to Riverside later today in the afternoon. To be honest, I'm glad school's starting again. Seeing friends, getting away from home and not being alone & bored (most of the time).

This week is going to be lonely. One of my roommates isn't coming back to school this year. My other roommate isn't coming until Thursday. So that means 3 more days of loneliness; oh its just like winter break again....

Not exactly sure if I'm prepared for school again. Mentally that is. I fear that I'm going to burnout too quickly and possibly have another meltdown.....all among other things.

Often

I find myself asking "What the hell am I doing" quite frequently now. Right now for example, I'm extremely tired and sleepy yet I'm still awake, typing away on my blog. Just finished the same Le Mans documentary for the 100th time probably. Now I'm listening to Daft Punk. I could be sleeping right now yet I'm not. So what am I doing? I have no idea; just waiting. Waiting for an something improbable to happen....

Going back to the "What the hell am I doing?" I find myself questioning everything about myself. Who am I?...Who am I?

Honestly, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing right now.....

New Years Resolution

I've been thinking about the things on the list for quite some time during this break.

1. Being happy and enjoying everyday

2. Be the best Patrick I can be

3. No more sporadic smokes!

4. Study

5. Minimize/don't procrastinate

6. Staying fit and healthy by and past spring break

7. Save money

Fin..for now

New Years...

Turned out to be a total bust. I was cold, sleepy, tired and hungry. It was not very enjoyable and honestly I didn't like it. Spent it at temple; not fun at all. Next year, definitely spending at party and with company I enjoy.